My Chicken Little

That is what I call my Kallie. She has been here almost a week already and we all seem to be getting along well. That makes me and her daddy very happy. We were able to go to the Italian Festival here this past weekend. This week we have been attending Vacation Bible School. I was concerned that she wouldn't like it. She actually loves it. Yesterday she was picked by the pastor to be in a skit. I was so proud of her! She is a great student. She is showing interest in going to church so I am going to take her while she is here. I love this kid more than I can imagine I could. She is a lot of fun (even on her eye rolling days). I gave her "the look" yesterday and it worked! I have negotiated purchases (we can get this if you put that back). This experience is giving me confidence that I could successfully parent someone.

Motherhood

Nothing more beautiful than a mother and her baby!



How about a great-grandmother holding little Aaron....

He's doing better

Aaron is doing so much better. He has got all the tubes out etc.... I am so proud to be his auntie. He is the most beautiful thing!!!!

Here he is with Tiana!!!!

Kallie's Coming!

I am so excited that in 6 days my 11 year old stepdaughter Kallie will be here! This will be my first time meeting her and I am so nervous. I hope she will have a good time here with me and her dad. She is a red head beauty and I can't wait.

Aaron Todd

My nephew was born on July 6. He is absolutely gorgeous. Keep him in your prayers.

Quilting Class

So last night I went to my first quiliting class. We are making a 9 patch pillow.

I got my strips cut and sewn together. Next thing I need to do is press and cut again. I am a bit afraid of working on it alone. I will try to catch up before next class. I definitely will post a picture of the final product.

I am so glad I got to spend an hour with some girls and laugh! The girls at the bookstore (Caryn and Debbie) always have cool things going on there. Saturdays we have the Purls and Prayers group that knits and crochets. I miss going to that. I used to go more often but since we moved to Sheree's I just haven't gone. I think I have to start making it a point to go. My guess is that it will help with my feelings of loneliness. Also, the women's group every other Thursday is cool. We do a women's bible study and I call myself their "brown girl". It was actually pretty funny when I walked in to quilt and Lenora said, theres our brown girl! I love those ladies. Ok, I better end this since it seems like I am babbling. Until next time.

Feeling Sad

So I feel super sad tonight. I started looking around Facebook and honestly I don't know why I do it to myself. My friends are no longer my friends. No one writes, calls, emails. Its like not only did I divorce my ex by I divorced all the people I love. I don't want to say i am jealous but its difficult to not hear from your best friend but then find out she is friends with your ex's new girlfriend. I need to accept that those are not the same people for me. No use trying to mend friendships that just don't exist. I really wish I would not be sensitive but I am.

Then here I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I just want to build relationships with women like I had in the past. I want people to call me to see if I want to hang out. I have gotten so used to not having friends that I just don't try as hard anymore. That is not a good thing. Hoping God just heals my heart because honestly I just want to cry and i know that isn't going to fix it.

Capias, Candy and Binkies oh my!

So Tracey's baby shower is next Saturday and I am definitely feeling the pressure. Last night I figured out the capia. That isn't going to be so bad, mostly tedious. I got the binky necklaces made for the game. I bought the rest of the candy meltables. Almost ready to go. At least I feel like I am making some sort of headway.

I love my family but I will be so glad when this is over. I always open my mouth and say "I'll do it". Just dumb. Then I get to a point where I am completely overwhelmed and that stresses me out even more. My own fault but.... you know.

Otherwise, life is good. Back to temping so that I can possibly get this ovulation thing down. Also I am going to do OPKs this time. They usually don't work for me but I am going to try the 2xs a day and do it in the office. I gotta get some little pee pee cups.... We shall see.

Still Grateful

So I am not going to become a mom yet. I am so grateful that I prayed for my attitude. Don't get me wrong, I am disappointed, but it's different. I am not angry. This is just a tough time all the way around. I will get through it and have full faith in the Lord.

Giving Thanks.

Give thanks with a grateful heart, Give thanks to the Holy One,Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ His Son. And now let the weak say "I am strong." Let the poor say "I am rich."Because of what the Lord has done for us Give thanks.

I am feeling like I need to be thankful today.

So Thank you for:

- the new church I found
- sending me all the christian BBC gals.
- the roof over my head
- whatever your will is for me
- my wonderful husband
- grace and mercy
- loving family

I could go on and on and on. I am going through a tough time at the moment. I really want a child and as of Sunday I am late. The reason this is tough is because I am trying to work on myself to be grateful no matter what happens. Maybe this is it and I will be pregnant, maybe I won't. Only God knows the answer to that at the moment. I just don't want to be ungrateful when AF shows and I start again. I know God knows what is best for me. It is just very difficult to surrender all sometimes. I am definitely doing my best to do that. So any of you who read my blog and pray, please pray that I maintain a grateful heart and a good attitude. Thanks

June Already????

I can't believe it is June! It seems like just yesterday I was making the decision to move. Originally I wasn't going to leave until October but it turns out that life led me to leave in August. It was not a bad decision.

So I am waiting for my next cycle so that I can start the clomid. I am so nervous about that. I really hope it works for me. I can't wait to hold a little baby in my arms.

I started the coupon thing last month but I am still spending money on dumb things. I want to try to get a budget together. I want to have enough money to get baby girl a plane ticket to visit. I know the hubby would love to see her. She is turning into such a little lady.

So I am going to come up with a goal....

Cut shopping (food and HBA) down to $150 a month. With that I should be able to do that for two adults. I know people have that budget for larger families. Eventually we can probably cut it down but I want to start somewhere. With this I would like to work on our debt. We owe so much money that it is ridiculous!!!! At the same time it doesn't seem like enough to quite claim bk. So much to consider. But I won't stress about it because I know God will make a way.

Infertility prayers I found online.

Infertility Prayer

Almighty God, I have need of patience so that after I done your will, I will be able to receive the blessing of your promise.

Help me to develop a more patient attitude at all times, and to be an imitator of those who through patience, inherit the promises of your word.

Teach me how to wait patiently on you, father, because I know that your timing is perfect. I believe that which you have promised to me will surely come to pass. Lord I believe you will settle me in my own home as a happy mother of children.

I will patiently await the fulfilment of your promises, father, for you watch over your word to bring it to pass. I rejoice that your word will never return unto you void, it will accomplish the purposes for which you send it.

Help me never to grow weary in well doing, because I know in due season I will surely reap. Thank you, father. I love you so much, because you are so good.

Show me how to be patient toward all others. I want to be a woman who is gentle, apt to teach and patient.

Thank you for hearing my prayer, father, and for the ministry of your Holy Spirit who is working in me and enabling me to bear the fruit of patience in my life.

Thank you for all the promises of your word father. Your word gives me the faith and confidence to hold onto the certainty that your promise will surely be fulfilled. Your word is always true and your faithfulness is unto all generations.

Strengthen me to never grow weary in well-doing for I know I will reap in due season if I wait for your perfect will to be accomplished. I will let patience have its perfect work in my life.

After my waiting upon your word I will be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. These things I pray, father in the wonderful name of Jesus my Lord.

Amen

author of this infertility prayer
unknown

In the Face of Fertility Challenges

Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off of myself. Take my eyes off of the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.

Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.

Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home. If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan. Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will. If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.

Thank You for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!


Prayer to Heal the Pain of Infertility

Dear Lord, the pain of infertility is so deep. All of our lives, we dream of being mothers, of raising children with loving hearts to do your will on this earth. Month after month when that dream does not come true, it so painful, Lord. We feel like our dreams die each month with empty arms. Please guide us to trust in your plan for us. We desperately need you in our lives. Thank you for all the blessings we do have, knowing through you all things are possible. Amen

Heartbroken!

Well this weekend was pretty good until yesterday. I realized my engagement ring was missing. I was 1000% sure I left on my Grandmothers end table. Well it was no where to be found. I am so sad about it. I am trying so hard not to let it get to me but its hard. How could I have lost something so special to me. I pray that God heals my heart on this one.

Coupons and other ramblings of a sleep deprived person

So I just started getting back into coupons lately and I think that I actually might have the hang of this. Here is what I bought!

CVS-

3 Chef Boyardee
3 Pudding Snacks
2 Bags of Sunflower seeds
4 Dry Idea Deoderants
2 Right Guard Deoderants

For all of that I paid .99 (I had $15 extra care bucks also) and got $11 extra care bucks. That was a fun trip!

Then I went to Kroger-

5 12packs coke
6 vitamin waters
6 sobe life waters
1 box Kashi Waffles
2 bbq sauces
2 bags wacky pasta
6 2 liters of Kroger brand soda
2 cool whip
5 boxes of Green giant veggies
3 packs of Gerber baby food
1 Purina Dentix dog treats
1 suddenly salad mix
1 box donuts
2 Dial hand soaps

I paid 24.xx out of pocket. I saved 72% on my groceries, my best trip yet!!!! I was so excited. I think I might like this whole coupon thing!

NEW YORK NEW YORK....

So I fly this evening to NY again. I am looking forward to it. This time I am taking my laptop with me so that I can post as I go. I should probably work now!

Not me Monday!!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I didn't do so well on my last Not Me! Monday! so I am trying again. I did not turn 37 on Friday! Not mention I did not regret staying home from work.

I did not buy 3 things from the thrift store for a baby! Honestly, I don't have a stash of baby things put aside because I am not obsessing about becoming a mom!

I am not excited about my trip to NY this weekend even though I was just there. I did not put off my first round of clomid to go on this trip!

I do not love my husband with every ounce of my being.

Finally, I did not finally find a church and I do not love it! I do not look forward to Saturday nights so I can see my BBC friend Audra and listen to the message. Not at all.

I'm 37???

So Friday was my birthday and I turned a whopping 37 years old. It makes me wonder where did all the time go? When did I get so OLD???

I chose to keep a low profile that day! First off I took the day off. I went with my mother in law to do some shopping. We went to my new favorite deal place CVS. Then to my favorite fun place, JoAnn fabric!!! She treated me to a very yummy chicken sandwich and diet coke. We came home and I just LOUNGED for more of the afternoon. After a bit the lounging got to be boring so I wandered down to the first floor to see what was a-happening. Well, I was just in time. My birthday dinner was cooked. I had pork roast, corn and scalloped potatoes which were delicious. Then for dessert, cupcakes. At this stage in my life birthdays are not about gifts. It meant a lot to me that someone took the time to cook a special dinner for me. Its the little things that mean the most. I got to snuggle with JC and watch tv... what more could I ask for?

Kayleigh

I was so sorry to hear that sweet Kayleigh Freeman passed away last night. She was such a blessing to all who were touched by her. I am glad she is no longer suffering and I have visions of her sweetly nestled in the Lord's arms as he welcomes her home.

When it rains....

yeah, you know the rest. Today the power go shut off at the house. I am struggling with this. I have never had my power shut off before. I have been THREATENED many times but always pulled it together before then. There is no one to blame really. 3 months ago my mother in law and I combined households in an effort to make things better for all of us. I am trying to have faith in all of this but I will be honest... it gets really hard sometimes. I just want to be ok. I have reserved myself to the fact that I will never have the money I used to have and that is ok. Money isn't everything. I just wish I had enough. I honestly just want enough. God is good and I know he will fulfill our needs. For all who read, just pray for our family in this tough time.

On a happy note. I went to NY the first weekend in May to start the planning of my cousin/sister's baby shower. She is adorable pregnant! It was very tiring but definitely fun. I am looking forward to going back next weekend for Memorial day. I am so jazzed about that. This is one of the main things I love about living in WV. I am way closer than San Diego. Everytime I think of running back there I remember the small things like this. The only other time I got to see family 2xs in one month was when mom died. So this is nice. It may be a 7-9 hour drive but at least I can get there.

Everything is everything

Well a quick update on me, I had surgery on the 30th and everything came out fine. Back in January I had an HSG that showed I had blockages in my fallopian tubes. The doctor decided he wanted to do exploratory surgery. Turns out I have no blockages, the entrance to my right fallopian tube is MIA and my left is fine. Now he thinks I have PCOS so I started taking Metformin. That isn't fun. It upsets my stomach most days. Well worth it if it will help me get pregnant. Once I finally start my next cycle I will begin with clomid.

I am trying so hard to be patient in this process. I know God has a plan for me. He knows the desires of my heart. I am looking forward to the day I look my little one in the eye.

TGIF!!!!

Well, here is the first post of what I hope to be many! Let me introduce myself. My name is Giselle and I will be 37 in May. I don't know where I got to be so old! It is amazing how the years fly by. October 13, 2007 I married my soul mate JC. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. This is my second (and last) go at marriage. It is much different. I am doing many things differently.



The last 12 months have been full of changes for us. First of all we decided to start a family. Unfortunately we haven't been successful but I am looking forward to the day God answers my prayers. The summer of 08 was a stressful one for me. We were living in San Diego. Between work and finances I was losing my mind. So I gave notice at work, packed up our stuff, threw the cats in the car and in August headed east....to WV. My move here has been quite interesting so far. The lifestyle is so different. Sometimes I think I am crazy for moving here since I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone! I must admit it is growing on me though. It's nice to leave work at 5 pm for once! Don't get me wrong I miss San Diego and all my friends but I just don't want to move back!!!! I thought I did for a little while but nah, it would be a mistake.

Anyway, the reason for this blog is to somehow make a history of my life beginning now! It's going to be a fun ride!